Schatz: Fed Shutdown Won't Keep Me From Buying More “Helps Me Look Hawaiian” Aloha Shirts

WASHINGTON—When it comes to finding money for the people of Hawaii, Senator Brian Schatz knows where to look. And despite a predicted federal government shutdown, the career politician knows where he will find money for his endless supply of obnoxious aloha shirts.

"My donors make me the best-looking money grabber for the state of Hawaii," said Schatz. "They know that you have to look good to get the goods."

Often photographed in one of his colorful shirts, Schatz believes it's important to look "as Hawaiian as possible" so that his fellow senators and representatives remember that he's from Hawaii. "Otherwise," he said, "they will think I'm from Michigan. Who wants to be associated with someone from that state?"

Marissa DeVoigt, a marketing director for Reyn Spooner, said she hopes to round up some of Schatz' business. "One of these days," she explained, "I'll be able to say that my tax dollars are dressing the Senator."