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Writer's pictureKisma Ash

Locals Line Up To Receive Latest Side Effects From Latest Covid Vaccine



KAILUA-KONA—On Thursday there was a buzz in the air as local residents lined up outside the Kaiser clinic to "take one for the team" and get yet another side effect from the Covid shot. Several people set up tents and beach chairs, waiting in anticipation of the tweaked mRNA vaccine available next week that will give them tinnitus, vertigo and ongoing heart issues.


Representatives from Moderna and Pfizer/BioNTech were on site to hand out prescription drugs to offset the side effects. Kai Friedman, a long-time employee of Moderna and former snake oil salesman, held up a sign that said, "Got Tinnitus From The Jab? We'll Make You Hear Fab!"


Vivian Wong, a 67-year-old former emergency room nurse from Waimea, sat in a fold-up chair next to her grandson, 20-year-old Kai Higa, a second-year student at UH's Palamanui campus. "I got tinnitus from the first shot," she said, "and then vertigo from one of the boosters. No one told me about the side effects, but they're an amazing surprise."


Kai said he's "looking forward to the myocarditis" he is likely to experience after this next round of prevention. "My friends are getting it," he said, "and I don't want to miss out."


At eight months pregnant, Leilani Ikaika said she can't wait until her baby is six months old so he can get the vaccine for a virus that is the least likely thing in the world to kill her baby. "I'm here in line," she said, "rubbing my belly with latex-free gloves so that my child gets used to being in a clinic his whole life. Gotta start 'em early!"


Kaiser nurses encouraged people to get in line early for next month's booster that will surely handle one of the 300 emerging variants. Sarah Egli, a resident of Captain Cook, said it's simply easier and less time-consuming to move into her car in the parking lot at Kaiser "instead of going home between jabs."



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